well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
