first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
