he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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