who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
