She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
