i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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