saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
You need a sexual gate keeper
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
