Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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