i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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