Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
