At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Randomize
