The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
