do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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