I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
