I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
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We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize