this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
zippers are such a cool invention
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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