apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Randomize
