she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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