i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I looked at my own cervix.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
