And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
