I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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