I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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