you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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