I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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