She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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