Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I'm getting married
To pizza
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
