A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
