Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
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