the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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