So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
