Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
