Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
