she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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