Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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