omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
