Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
