sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
