no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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