Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
you never un-have a 4some
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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