I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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