i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
