If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
pray to the hookup gods
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
