is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
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He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
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Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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