I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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