i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
