what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
