She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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