Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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