The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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