farters have to be the big spoon...
Michael Bay diarrhea
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
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I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
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You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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