im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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