so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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