....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
