I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
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