You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
