we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
