she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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