are you still at the devil's house?
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
