the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
