In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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