this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
