Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
