So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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