the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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